You know those days when you sit with so many questions? All the weight of what comes next laying on your shoulders, and no real solutions in sight. These are the days when I wish I could tangibly hold Jesus’ hands and ask Him the answers that I know He has and has had planned for a while now.
But I am, in some ways, thankful that he does not give us all of the answers at once. I have sat in class with people who have to be the first one to answer the teacher’s question. Or those friends that give you the “perfect” advice for every situation you have going on in your life. But these people are not enjoyable to be around – as a rule…it’s exhausting. You almost want to tell them “just let it be”. My mom hates this phrase when we say it to her, but “stop freaking out, calm down.” She usually responds with “I’m not freaking out, but you’re about to make me start!”
I think the reason these people are frustrating to the rest of us is because, for the most part, we know that questions are ok. It is ok to not have all of the answers to every question immediately. Sometimes, we just want to sit with the question and think through the slew of possibilities. Isn’t that the beauty of life? This doesn’t mean never looking for answers or seeking out solutions, but sitting to seek Him for the right answer or solution.
Lately, I’ve been realizing that it’s not just the questions I’m asking in my life that make it beautiful, or the plans I am joining with God to make, but the people I am making these plans with for the future. Having a man of God in my life to challenge my ideas, ask harder questions than I ever wanted to ask myself, sit with me as I work out my questions with fear and trembling, this has been more of a blessing than I could have ever asked for.
Adults in my life have always told me that I would not realize flaws or faults in myself until finding that person to spend the rest of my life with. Well, they were right, and we’ve only just begun. It seems every day I want to squash my humanity when I act like a complete idiot, say something I wish I could take back the second it leaves my childish, selfish mouth. But something that I think my parents tried to explain and I did not understand was how this loving relationship could transform the way I see God and myself.
Philip has learned the intricacies of my personality these past six months. He is learning my weird moods, what each tone of voice means, how to interpret every one of my many faces, when to challenge and when to sit back. I’m learning these things about him too. But what I have found most incredible is the way our relationship has allowed me to get a slightly bigger grasp of God’s unconditional love. Through talking about the way we see God and the Bible and even talking through the daily and mundane things, I have learned more about Him and how He feels about us. Just a pure, selfless love.
I appreciate in the moments of craziness, the reminder that God has our best interest in mind. Knowing what good things we want for each other, how much more does He want good things for us?
We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,10 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified yout to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.
Colossians 1:9b-12
I pray that God, in his glorious riches, would allow you understand and receive his peace more and more daily, through the understanding that He loves you so much and wants only the best for you. I pray that you would learn a little more about Him today, His plans for you, what it means to live only for Him. I pray that you may truly live a life worthy of Him, and pleasing to Him. Please take some time to sit with Him with your questions tonight – He wants nothing more than to be with you. I love you all and am so thankful for what you mean to me!
rlbreflections Said:
on January 9, 2012 at 9:52 am
Wow! You don’t blog often, but when you do…
Wonderful reminder today that the questions are okay and self-examination is a good thing. Just remember, dad says that in marriage he has known the “height of love and the depths of anger” – or something like that.
I love you, Lydia. I’m so thankful for your heart…and your willingness to share it.
Helen Said:
on January 11, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Beautifully written Lydia…so true about about the questions and it being ok not to have the perfect answer immediately. We can learn so much in the waiting in God’s presence.
Love you,
Aunt Helen